CANT EVEN

Well, its been a long time blog :) This post is about my feelings, again, as usual. You know, I have been talking about guys who have broke my heart, those whom i liked right? Well, I also told you that there's this guy i'm liking right now. Well, last Thursday when we had our recollection we were asked to give letters/notes to 10 people or more, to serve as letters, the facilitator told us to write what we want to say to that person. Well, I him a note, actually, it was two pages, the note says all the things that I feel, all the things that I really wanted to tell him but I couldn't because I lack courage. I'm the kind of person who's more comfortable in writing things than saying things in personal. 

In the note I asked him to stop being sweet to me because I get this wrong ideas that he likes me when he actually doesn't. Well, I'm actually not sure if he really doesn't like me but that's what I see. That he likes somebody else. I also asked him that I hope even after knowing what I really feel, he'd still treat me the same way, minus that sweet factor. Yesterday, they planned of going to a carnival after our last subject in the afternoon, when they first asked me, I declined, I was afraid that I'd be just out of place, and would just be one of the companions without no one to talk to, but I was wrong, what actually happened was, there were only a few of us, about 8 in number. We decided to ride rides, I declined, because I didn't want to be with him too, but instead of avoiding him, we sat right next to each other on the first ride we rode. On the second ride, it became worse. IT WAS JUST THE TWO OF US, BESIDE EACH OTHER, LAUGHING LIKE RETARDED BEINGS. I enjoyed the rides, but in the back of my head, I was fighting with my feelings. 

After that, we stayed in a friend's house. I was surfing the internet, well actually, I was scanning through my Facebook. He was sitting in the sofa where the others were, it was about 2 feet away from the computer. I was squealing when I saw a picture of this guy who I find cute, a cosplayer, his bestfriend's friend(his bestfriend is a cosplayer as well, well, I am too, but a beginner). His bestfriend asked me if that was his cosplayer friend I was squealing to, and I nodded. I actually was waiting for his reaction, I did those squeals in purpose. I was not expecting him to react, but I was hoping he would, and he did. He asked me on how that guy looks like, and if I heard it right, he said that he might be more handsome than he is. Is sounded jealous though, well yea. He did. I think? I hope so, but if he did .. then? UGHHHHHH :3 I dont know.