Emotions

I've cried for the guy I liked two times, because I only fell inlove two times.
I've cried for too many broken relationships in Korean dramas, and has witnessed too many heartaches from my friends so I developed the fear of falling inlove and getting into a relationship.
I only let friends into my life. I became guarded. I didn't take care of my physical appearance so that nobody would like me.
I've lost confidence and determination because I felt unwanted most of the time.
Sometimes, I even think that I am useless.
I do realize that I am undergoing depression but nobody ever seemed to notice.

I watch sad stories so I could have a reason to cry. So I could let my heart out because my mom never understood the pressure I was into. They always expected too much from me and all I did in my life was make them proud.

Sometimes I don't understand myself too.
Sometimes my emotions are too overwhelming ...

Rants of a Broken Heart

It's a broken heart, I'm bleeding.

You're alive. You're not a corpse but why can't you feel a heart you're breaking. Are you just dumb or is this the way you want to make me feel.

Why are you so mean, you asked me, you made me this, you did this. Have you ever heard me rant you because you never looked at me the way I looked at you? Do you know how bad you had made me feel?

I never said no to all the favors you asked me to do. NO BUTS all YES including my answer to the question 'Baby, you love me, don't you?' but what did you do? You broke my heart so all shit's in pieces. I'm never gonna love another man the same way I had loved you.

I told you, you should tell me if you don't like me back but what'd you do? You never spoke but shit! it's a no in your heart. I'm tired of all your sweetness, all cheesy lines you said, you seemed to care but no, you really couldn't mean it.

NEVER will I ever fall inlove again. Never will I ever start to love again. If I'm cold, its all your fault. You were the reason why it hurts this way. I'm gonna stop, don't pull me back, I hate you. Let's get over this. 

YES, I LOVE YOU BUT YOU CAN'T LOVE ME BACK. YOU NEVER WILL.

This is actually a song I made, I hummed the melody in my head when I wrote this and even recorded the song but it's been a year since and I think I have already deleted the recording and eventually forgot the melody I had in mind. It's about the unrequited love I had, one where I became quite a masochist. I knew he doesn't and won't love me back but I stood strong and ended up hurt. It's fine now, I'm good and we're friends.

The best day in my 2014.

A fangirl's dream will always be meeting with their idols, and yes I am one of those fangirls. 

Unfortunately, I was in the VIP area but I didn't win the High Touch raffle, but seeing them dance infront of me, in the stage is already more than enough. Everything felt surreal. It felt like a dream. The cost of the ticket for the concert and the ticket for the plane was nothing compared to the fulfillment I felt for myself. If you're not a fangirl, you won't understand me. 

so this is how near/far I was from the stage

the following photos will be random photos I took through out the concert cause I wont be able to sort from which songs they were. 

 some photos may look nearer because I zoomed in.

December 07, 2014 was the best day of my 2014.

PARTY EYES BY CLINIQUE - REVIEW

*dug-dug* this is my first time reviewing a beauty product, so i am not sure how to do it well yet. 

okay! let's start.

this is the box of the kit, gorgeous isn't it? it's really girly, with that fuchsia pink coordinated with purple and orange just looks perfectly chic for all the pretty ladies.

so this is what you see inside, 8 shimmery eye shadows, brushes, 2 eyeliners, and that hollow space was for a mascara.

so first i'll be talking about the shades and colors of the eye shadows available on the kit.

this are the ones on the top part: white, brown shimmer, green shimmer and a lavender shimmer.

{when applied to skin}

the ones on the lower part: black with green glitters, purple with silver glitters, shimmer silver and a navy blue with silver glitters

{when applied to skin}

when applied to skin, they feel soft, and they don't smudge or fall down to your cheeks when applying.

the upper part are more of the powdery form while the other 4 below are more with the matte form. 

since the palette's name is party eyes so its quite expected that it would contain shimmery kinds of eye shadows. on the other hand, i guess the only one without the shimmer should be used as the base color before applying other colors to make it stand out more (i am not make up expert tho).

let's move on to the pencil eyeliners.

here is the purple liner.

the black liner, i already used this that's why it looks like that and i haven't sharpened it yet.

{when applied to skin}

the thickness of the line drawn by the eye liners depends on how pointed you sharpen it to be. both of the eye liners have glitters in it when applied to skin too. it both does smudge after a few hours in use though, and it's disappointing.

{DISCLAIMER: this photo is not owned by the author, credits to the rightful owner}

so this is the mascara that was missing in my kit cause my sis-in-law borrowed it and havent' given it back. the mascara works miracles, i used it for my classmate's make-up during an event at school, she had really thin eyelashes, and when i applied, VAVAVOOM! it looked thick and volumed, though it smudges quite a lot too.

the kit contains three brushes all in all.

all in all, i rate the whole kit 3 and half stars out of 5 since it's quite handy, you don't need to bring several products whenever needed, grab the kit and it contains multiple stuffs in it already.

wow, this is quite harder than i thought. sorry if it wasn't that sufficient though, i'll do better next time.

and,

 to all EXOSTANS, 화이팅! we'll get through this, #WeBelieveInYouKris #WeAreOneWeAreEXO #OT12

please leave comments below too :">

wanna be loved, same love as you, park jimin.

they say, dreams do come true, but i don't know if day dreams come to life too.

18 years & counting and never have I ever had an intimate relationship with one from the opposite sex, what I've always done, was drool and imagine how would it feel like to date the guy you have always liked, or even so, the guy you have watched & cheered for from afar, in a simpler sense, to date your bias.

{DISCLAIMER: PHOTOS POSTED ARE NOT OWNED BY THE AUTHOR}

JUST IMAGINE ....

looking eye-to-eye with this man everyday.

 eat meals with him everyday ... 

have a staring contest with him everyday ...

 sleep & cuddle with him everyday ..

having to see a smile this good when you say something funny or just when he wants to ..

to have a man that seeks for your attention & stares at you like you're the prettiest woman existing...

someone this handsome to give you gifts on special days ..

to be asked and threatened in exchange for a kiss ..

// I CANNOT EVEN ROFL :))))))))))

having a man to sing songs & cheer you up when you feel down

seeing a bare-faced just woken up man that looks this good beside you every morning

and to be tempted for all sorts of temptation explainable,

and to all the perfect moments you could share with him ...

which are unfortunately too hard to attain.

//delusional fangirl

please leave comments below too :">

beautiful one-sided love

BANGTAN SONYEONDAN? 방탄소년단?

{RAP MONSTER • V • JUNGKOOK • JIN • SUGA • J-HOPE • JIMIN}

*left to right; jimin is the one sitting on the floor

the question would probably be, who are they? they are the ones that make my heart beat at the moment, the one that occupies my brain and is running through my thoughts (I STILL LOVE B.A.P OKAY!). naaaah, they're BANGTAN SONYEONDAN which means BULLETPROOF BOY SCOUTS a 7-member hiphop boy group, they debuted last 12th of June in 2013 and has released 3 mini albums respectively entitled, '2 COOL 4 SKOOL', 'O! R U L8 2?' & 'SKOOL LUV AFFAIR' which is a trilogy about school life, if I am not mistaken though.

take a peek, this is my current favorite video.

liked it? continue reading to know them more.

WHO ARE IN THE GROUP?

JIN (Kim Seok Jin)

the group's visual & the oldest, vocals.

RAP MONSTER/RAP MON (Kim Nam Joon)

the group's leader & rapper.

Rap mon & Jin are said to be wood dolls of the group cause they can't dance as good as the rest of the members.

J-HOPE (Jung Hoseok)

the hope & the life of the party. Lead dancer and rapper. 

Yes, he is adorably dorky, and is sexy at times. He keeps the group energized despite very busy schedules ahead.

JUNGKOOK (Jeon Jungkook)

the golden maknae, vocals.

*maknae means youngest in korean

Why is he the GOLDEN MAKNAE? it's because he's definitely all-around. He can dance well, rap, sing & is undeniably handsome.

V (Kim Taehyung)

4D creature, Byun Baek & Jung Dae's love child, vocals.

Yes, he may look hot and chic in this photo, but watch the video below, and the nickname '4D CREATURE' won't even need explainations.

SUGA (Min Yoongi)

rapper, he also produced 3 of their songs.

according to the members, Suga is the one that acts differently infront of the members and infront of the fans. 

JIMIN (Park Jimin)

MY HUSBAND! naaaah, ultimate casanova & charm of the group, vocals.

casanova, why? just watch the video below.

and yes, i fell for the trap too. 

when I first took a look at their debut music video, out of curiosity,

it was Jungkook who grabbed my attention, but when I was looking for videos that is supposedly containing Jungkook's sexiness, I stumbled upon this,

and that was how it all started. 

do not be fooled by the handsome and manly aura their music videos give you, dig deep & see within, then you will truly know..

*click the photo to be directed to their official youtube account

{SUGA • J-HOPE • V • JUNGKOOK • RAP MONSTER • JIMIN • JIN}

*left to right; first four from the farther back

please comments below too :">