you may be tired of reading my posts about having myself hurt because of certain guys, i don't know why i easily get carried away on how they treat me, or how they act around me and i hate myself for being like this. i often end up like this, trying to neglect my feelings for them but failing because they begin to show their "acts" again.
BEING UNINTENTIONALLY SWEET, ACTING HE LIKES YOU BACK. but in the end, he was actually attracted to other girls and YOU, are left hurt.
one reason that i always get hurt is because i am a deep thinker, when something happens, or as me and my friends call it, when me, and the guy i like have a "MOMENT", i'd try to think about it, and have some reflections on his actions, without telling myself that everything might be the other way around, maybe he wasn't feeling the way i was. and this often leads me to expecting things i should not, this is how i always end up feeling all this sting in me.
but i have been wondering or is this my deep thinker self interfering again, if you were a guy and you knew how i felt for you, and you knew that i'd fall more for you if you continued to act sweet around me, will you still continue to act sweet even if you don't want me to fall deep for you? i may also had told you that i like guys who are mean when others are around but is sweet when it's just the two of us and that i hated sweet guys because i fall for them more. you knew all my weakness and still continued acting all sweet. you knew everything and yet you didn't tell me straight up that you didn't want me to stop falling for you. don't you know that every time you act sweet to me, it's confusing my feelings? can't you think of that too? i even told you that i love you and that i would do things for you because i love, that i'm willing to sacrifice my time to spend it with you because i love you, but all you did was reply to me normally, and treating everything like i didn't mean all of it when you actually knew THAT I MEANT IT. i wanted to stop falling for you in the first place, but every time i do start neglecting everything, YOU SHOW UP AND START TO CONFUSE ME AGAIN :/ this is getting tiring, and i'm tired of trying.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO THESE FEELINGS ANYMORE. (╥﹏╥)
Dear THAT-GUY-I'M-REFERRING-TO,
if ever you'd be able to read this post, i know that you'll be able to "GUESS" who i am referring to, and yes sweety, IT'S YOU. YES YOU. can you tell me STRAIGHT(without having thoughts of how'd i feel after hearing it, because i won't hate you for it) on what do you really see me as. AM I A 'JUST A FRIEND' or SOMEONE 'MORE SPECIAL THAN A FRIEND'? i swear i won't hate you after hearing what you TRULY see me as. i'd actually appreciate it since you won't be confusing me anymore. THANK YOU. i hope you're be able to read this soon.
From: Me, the girl whose feelings you are confusing.
maybe you'd think that i'm a coward because i can't ask him straight to his face the question i really want to ask to be able to hear the answer i want to hear so bad, and that if i'm really tired, why should i not take all my courage and ask him.why don't you try being in my shoe and feel all this and let us see.
this would be all for now. i'd be blogging when i feel heavy again.
bye.
