Emotions

I've cried for the guy I liked two times, because I only fell inlove two times.
I've cried for too many broken relationships in Korean dramas, and has witnessed too many heartaches from my friends so I developed the fear of falling inlove and getting into a relationship.
I only let friends into my life. I became guarded. I didn't take care of my physical appearance so that nobody would like me.
I've lost confidence and determination because I felt unwanted most of the time.
Sometimes, I even think that I am useless.
I do realize that I am undergoing depression but nobody ever seemed to notice.

I watch sad stories so I could have a reason to cry. So I could let my heart out because my mom never understood the pressure I was into. They always expected too much from me and all I did in my life was make them proud.

Sometimes I don't understand myself too.
Sometimes my emotions are too overwhelming ...

Rants of a Broken Heart

It's a broken heart, I'm bleeding.

You're alive. You're not a corpse but why can't you feel a heart you're breaking. Are you just dumb or is this the way you want to make me feel.

Why are you so mean, you asked me, you made me this, you did this. Have you ever heard me rant you because you never looked at me the way I looked at you? Do you know how bad you had made me feel?

I never said no to all the favors you asked me to do. NO BUTS all YES including my answer to the question 'Baby, you love me, don't you?' but what did you do? You broke my heart so all shit's in pieces. I'm never gonna love another man the same way I had loved you.

I told you, you should tell me if you don't like me back but what'd you do? You never spoke but shit! it's a no in your heart. I'm tired of all your sweetness, all cheesy lines you said, you seemed to care but no, you really couldn't mean it.

NEVER will I ever fall inlove again. Never will I ever start to love again. If I'm cold, its all your fault. You were the reason why it hurts this way. I'm gonna stop, don't pull me back, I hate you. Let's get over this. 

YES, I LOVE YOU BUT YOU CAN'T LOVE ME BACK. YOU NEVER WILL.

This is actually a song I made, I hummed the melody in my head when I wrote this and even recorded the song but it's been a year since and I think I have already deleted the recording and eventually forgot the melody I had in mind. It's about the unrequited love I had, one where I became quite a masochist. I knew he doesn't and won't love me back but I stood strong and ended up hurt. It's fine now, I'm good and we're friends.

The best day in my 2014.

A fangirl's dream will always be meeting with their idols, and yes I am one of those fangirls. 

Unfortunately, I was in the VIP area but I didn't win the High Touch raffle, but seeing them dance infront of me, in the stage is already more than enough. Everything felt surreal. It felt like a dream. The cost of the ticket for the concert and the ticket for the plane was nothing compared to the fulfillment I felt for myself. If you're not a fangirl, you won't understand me. 

so this is how near/far I was from the stage

the following photos will be random photos I took through out the concert cause I wont be able to sort from which songs they were. 

 some photos may look nearer because I zoomed in.

December 07, 2014 was the best day of my 2014.