I don't need it but I want it.

Some people say that you must listen to what your heart desires than what your mind tells you but this time, I think my mind is telling me the right decision.

I don't know why but i started to have this want to have a boyfriend, I was not actually interested in having relationships since I'm too young and it won't cause me any good, but I don't really understand why I am longing for someone I can talk to when I am bored or when I am sad(ö is this what a boyfriend should actually do?), I mean, I have my friends around me but they can't ease the loneliness I feel.


I don't know if this is really true or is it just me making this things in my head. Another reason why I don't want to listen to my mind is that I don't want to break the promise I had with God, and that is to wait for the right time to meet the right guy because honestly, I don't want to experience heart breaks and bitterness after a relationship and that is another reason why I don't want or I refuse relationships.


I thought about this during the drive home and that is, I am really unsure if what I feel right now is real or maybe I'm just wanting something that will make me feel loved, and that I am to numb to feel that someone out there loves me.


Aigoo. This is so sick. (╯︵╰,)

Unsure

Why are you like this ? Why are you rejecting my calls, and if I'm right, why did you include my friend, our friend in this fight. It was just us, I don't really know what you see me as. I don't know if I was just a friend or someone more than that because as much as I remember, I was the one going after you before. 

Is it wrong that I prevent myself from falling for you again because I know I am not ready for relationships more than friends and I know that you are not allowed to have one `till your 18 later (though it's just a few months from now).

I know that the way I said it was hurtful but it was the best way I guess, because if I tell you face to face, I know, this won't end.

Actually, you weren't the only one who was hurt, me too, ofcourse, as well as "our" friend who eventually fell for your sweetness as well, and the one you're avoiding right now as well. I don't know if I'm just paranoid or if it's really true but if you're angry at me please don't include "our" friend about it.

I hope we can clear things out, I want to talk to you. I hope we can, though.

 

- just releasing feelings though. nothing more.